Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Thieves

They steal in
Barely ruffling my hair
Transcendent days.

Leaving me far from you,
Hollowed out,

The strangeness of it pleases me
I crave it as, on other days, I crave you
To seek more is to feel them fading,
To feel that need for you rising in my veins.

Unable to do more
(Or less)
I wait, caution persuading my heart's rhythm
To still until it echoes nothing more
Than the leaves' whispering.

*I'm not wholly happy with the title but haven't found another I like yet.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Smoke and mirrors

I called in sick today, a thing I haven't done in a while for lots of reasons. The atmosphere at work has been getting to me, though, and I needed a day where I could just do what I felt like. A day where I didn't have to get up before seven, answer the phone, respond to emails, etc. It's been great. I've gotten almost an entire repeat on Monica's stole done and feel more relaxed than I have in a good while. Thoughts about what my purpose on this planet is have been plaguing me (still) and today was also a nice respite from them which, surprisingly, makes the issue feel just a bit more clear. I'll speak to that more another time, as the fledgling ideas are probably going to need a bit longer to develop before I throw 'em out into the light of day, so to speak. But, to return to the nice, peaceful feeling I've got from my 'day of rest,' I'm actually surprised that it's turned out to be so calming given the further insanity that crops up in my family from time to time. I tried three times to discuss it here but found that it isn't going to come out right and still leave my day unsullied. So, that, too, will have to wait for another blog. Probably Monday-those days usually suck anyway. So, yeah, I guess this blog doesn't have much behind it after all. I'll make it up to you guys, I promise.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Moving Forward

Summer has to be my least favorite season. One of the biggest reasons (as anyone who knows me has heard before, I'm sure) is that there's only so much you can take off. Winter, a close second for the title, at least offers one the opportunity to add layers of clothing for warmth. I realize this probably appears a strange opening for this blog given the title. But, the detestable heat and humidity of this season is helping me get back to a place where I can feel some peace again. Weird, I know. But, it has started to become clearer to me that even the seasons I hate have their place in nature. Even what I think of as the worst part of the year-it has meaning and a purpose even if that purpose isn't wholly clear to me. And, despite the fact that my susceptibility to the sun means I can spend far less time than I'd like outdoors, I find myself more aware of the beauty the season holds than I can recall being in the past. Sometimes, it even feels silly to have questioned whether there was balance. Of course I don't like it when it's harsh and unyielding and it takes someone I cared for. But, not to get too touchy-feely here, I can't help feeling that we all do truly go on somehow. Maybe it's only as a memory. Still counts, in my opinion. There's a harshness to nature, to life, the world and even at its ugliest, I still have to recognize the immutable truth that it all (beauty, pain, joy, brutality) comes from the same place somehow. The comments I got on here after my last post along with the conversations I've had with people on and offline are helping. Trying to focus on achieving the things that I want and need in this life is helping as well. I'm trying to keep looking up, so to speak and it does seem to be getting easier. Last week flew by so quickly that it hardly seems possible that tomorrow is Monday again but, wishing for Second Sunday ain't gonna make it so.

On lighter notes, I've reread the Harry Potter series again and was blown away by the power of Rowling's last book. So much beauty in that book and, yet, it was so, so sad, too. I picked up the book club read for next month and, gods willing, will actually be able to participate in the discussion this time. I've been lax on that front for the last two months and I fear my book club friends have been neglected. Still knitting, knitting, knitting. I think I have eight projects on the needles now and will have to finish something before I can go any further on some of them. Limited needles, limited budget to buy more.

Oh, and I got Daisy spayed this week. Here's hoping it doesn't radically alter her temperament.