Tuesday, November 22, 2011


For M., with love

These are the days of Atwood-tripping
Of falling upward
Of favorite Sundays and nerdlove
Sunbeam-bringing, scoopmeup love
Rainbow maker, your soul like oxygen

These are the days of cloud floating, pathway changing joy.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

11.8.2011 (gratitude catch-up)

I am continually grateful for trees. It sounds odd to some of you, I'm sure, but I have always derived comfort from them. Spending time among trees has been a way to ground and to find peace for many years. Add that to just how simple and beautiful and varied they are and I can't imagine the world without them.

I am grateful for good, heartfelt hugs. (Do I really need to elaborate on that one? Nah.)

I am grateful for my grandpa McGuire. When I was somewhere around 10, we had a conversation in the cemetery outside the area where the Horton family reunion was held about the Great Depression and just how terribly it affected many of the people he knew who were buried in that ground. When I was in fifth grade (and this is one I've not shared with more than one or two people I think), I peed my pants because I was in the middle of a book and kept skipping bathroom breaks to finish it. He and my grandma had to come pick me up and, seeing how utterly humiliated I was, he told me a story about almost the exact same thing happening to him when he was a boy and didn't want to leave the schoolroom to go to the outhouse. I have no idea if it was true but he made me feel okay at a moment when I felt just about as low as I could get. He was beyond the mold of 99% of men of his generation.

I am grateful for my chosen sisters, Dani and Stina. They have been there since before I got divorced, helping me see my way out of a terrible maze of unhappiness and supporting me through those very dark days. Dani, I believe, was the first person to say, "Leave. It's not getting better." Both of them reassured me and listened to me cry again and again when I was broke and carless. And, neither of them shies away from telling me gently when I'm wrong and helping me accept it. Better examples of true sisterhood are hard to find.



We dance of our dreams
But we write of our truths
Carving from flesh the words
That will breathe our visions
Into another's body.

Friday, November 4, 2011


I am happier than I have ever been. Is that bragging?

Today, I am grateful for my therapist, Karen. She has been remarkable at what she does and, as I've felt myself healing over the last few months (despite a difficult setback or two) I've recognized that she's played a huge role in that healing. It's an immeasurable gift.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Today, I am grateful for never having experienced homelessness. I have had times when I questioned whether that would continue to be the case but I have always had a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head. As it rains outside, I think about the many who can't say the same and reaffirm my plan to spend at least some of Thanksgiving sharing food with them.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


In terms of weather, October has always been my favorite month. But, in terms of events, I have to give the prize to November. November is the month that has my grandpa's birthday (the 10th), my birthday (the 14th) and, my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. Take out all the hype about Pilgrims and Native Americans. Thanksgiving is the one major holiday that isn't about a religion. Or gift giving. Or, really, anything beyond an emotion, when you come right down to it. For me, it boils down to gratitude and the chance to spend time with those you love. It's separate from all the materialism tied to, say, Valentine's Day (which is supposedly about love but somehow devolves into being about jewelry or flowers). Real love. Just being together.

And, in the spirit of that, I want to start the month right by listing the many things I'm grateful for. I missed yesterday so, here are two to catch me up.

1) I am grateful for having been very healthy throughout my life. Despite not having any health insurance for a great deal of my adulthood, I managed not to have any major crises during that decade. That lack did not lead to major financial breakdowns and, at the same time, made me even more appreciative of the health insurance and care I have access to now.

2) I am grateful for having the right to vote. I have a voice in how I am governed and a way to affect the people assigned with that task. I know that, despite the continued attempts to chip away at women's rights and to deride feminism, my niece, Emma, and many other girls that will come after her, will continue to enjoy that through my utilization of it.