I feel crappy today. Sorry, folks, but 'tis true. And, I try to be honest on here, I really do. And, at the moment, I feel like I'm leading a life that is viewed as naive and foolish. I probably won't tomorrow-by then, I'll probably be all shrouded in the defenses I usually keep up to keep the crap at bay. But, at the moment, I feel like that's deserted me. So, if you read this before that kicks in (and I just might remove this when that happens), you're going to read a blog written by the Anita who's medicating herself with ice cream. Think I'll let her get a few things out.
1) Why isn't there more love in the world? Real, unconditional love. Lennon said all we needed was love. I think that's true, starting with love for ourselves first. Why don't we work on that instead of worrying that we're not tough enough or strong enough?
2) I really really don't like humiliation masquerading as entertainment. It's ugly to me. All the weight loss shows/reality shows that provide people with yet more ways of pointing out how people don't fit the 'norm' and push the idea that, if only they'd change, the rest of their lives would fall magically into place upset me.
3) Am I the only person who doesn't think money, breast size and the circumference of one's thighs are adequate measures of success? Doesn't honor and kindness count in that column anymore?
4) I miss having a center to my life.
5) I never got to say this to the person who should've heard it but, no, in fact, I don't enjoy being the center of attention. The one-on-one is hard as fuck for me. All I ever wanted was to be included, to be one of a group that got along and liked each other. I wanted to be among the crowd, belonging. The center of attention? Please. That's the most uncomfortable place for me.
6) I really want a birthday party. I know it's kind of silly at this age but I want one.
7) Fuck you, Alan.
8) I wish I had a job I felt good about doing. I like having enough money to support myself and benefits and all that but I really wish I got to come home at night and be proud of what I do.
9) I would like all the papers and homework I helped various people complete (or did for them) back. Or, at least I'd like to be able to take credit for some of the really good writing I did for them for free.
10) Penelope Cruz, Rod Stewart, Brad Pitt, Quentin Tarantino-you're really really overrated. Please go away for a while.
That's it-I really am done now. Sorry for the rant.