Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 271

The last few days have been rough. I'm starting to feel a downward slide in my mood as winter approaches. And, I'm trying to think of ways to combat it but they're just not readily forthcoming at the moment. Mostly, I'm trying to just not devote much energy to that feeling so that it doesn't get a stronger hold on me.

One thing that has been occupying my mind a lot lately is the way some people approach dating/romantic relationships and how it varies from my evolving perspective on it. Back when I was married, the idea of belonging to one person was a big deal. He was *my* husband, my responsibility, my other half, etc. And, one of the things I realized in the process of extricating myself from that relationship is that that way of thinking is just unhealthy for me. So, now I find myself looking at other people's relationships and wondering why they would pursue such an attitude or whether it's healthier for them than it turned out to be for me. Anymore, what I ideally want is not someone with whom I shut out the rest of the world but someone who engages with it along with me, who could add to and join the circle of friends I so value rather than drawing me away from them. I've been spending more time lately with a couple who seem to really have the healthiest marriage I've encountered. Brandie and Chris truly seem to be each other's best friend and partner and I notice that there is an attitude of openness and support for each other's outside interests and friendships. I hope that it's not as rare as it seems to be. Are they the only ones who can achieve that? I certainly see a lot of couples who *don't* manage to do that successfully but, having seen that someone, somewhere, can make that happen makes me think that I wouldn't want to settle down with someone with whom I didn't have that.

My last doctor's appointment turned up a vitamin D deficiency and I'm still deciding whether to go ahead and get the supplements she prescribed or not. Been spending time outside when possible in an effort to get more sun and I'm hoping that that will help to correct the issue.

I did get to spend weekend before last with the munchkins and it was exactly what I needed. Emma has developed quite a bit of sass over the last few years and, despite the fact that she bloodied Alex's lip at one point, I think it's actually a good quality in her. She doesn't take anyone's shit. On the other hand, I think Alex's confidence level is still about the same and I'm starting to have some concerns about ways to get him out of his shell more. He did well at football and is still pursuing guitar lessons so maybe he'll strike a balance there with time. Parker? He's a chunky little ball of sunshine and should be walking anytime now.

I've been trying to be more active in the community (think I talked about that some in a previous post) but I'm finding that difficult to balance at times with other activities. I love jeerleading but I need to find some kind of balance with that and other things.

Oh, and I'm putting together ideas for my birthday next month. I hope that some people who couldn't make it last year will be able to this time around.

That's about it for now. More another day, hopefully with knitting goodness included.

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