Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Last week was pretty close to the week from hell. It felt like everything was happening at the same time to make me feel like utter shit. 1) Angie and the rest brought the munchkins to the city to go to the Magic House and, rather pointedly imo, didn't tell me until afterward when she posted a note on Facebook about it. 2) Major, major communication breakdown with a friend triggering all my abandonment fears. 3) The ex-husband called me at work out of the blue to ask if we could try to renew our friendship, triggering a whole host of *other* types of fears. I don't think a single day went by without major tears last week.

This week is better and a lot of my tension has ebbed away again. And, I do want to give myself some small pat on the back for putting myself first in the exhusband situation. It was difficult and there are still residual doubts about turning him away but the alternative was not a good possibility for me.

I also think I learned a bit more about what are hot buttons (for lack of a better term) for me and what I need when I'm feeling stressed and scared. I forget sometimes just how differently people (even people I trust and feel close to) react to stressful situations. Somehow, I feel as though I need to become far more comfortable with not having someone to catch me at those moments or provide reassurance.

As for the situation with the munchkins... It doesn't seem like there are many good options other than trying to maintain contact with them from a distance. I have some ideas for care packages I can send them periodically and I hope that they'll be able to at least respond to the notes I include with those. I hate that that's the best I can do but at least it'd be something.

PSG starts this Sunday and I need it. I may not get another post in before that but I'm sure there will be plenty to say after.

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