3.2.2011

It feels like spring out today. Not a super warm spring but the feeling is in the air, finally. My thoughts are pretty scattered, not surprisingly.

1) Friday, I head down home to spend the night at Amy's before Parker's birthday party on Saturday. Much as I love the munchkins, I'm really just eager to get it over with and deal with the fallout waiting for me.
2) Queer Book Club, my new project, is developing well. It's been more rewarding to plan for that and the upcoming meetings than almost anything else going on lately.
3) I miss C. Still.
4) I keep looking at this new tattoo. Really pleased with it.
5) I have too many thoughts in my head lately about what I am and am not. About what will work and make me happy and what won't. I had clearer ideas about all of that at 17 than I do now.
6) Today is one of those days where it feels like being at the wrong job is a big energy suck. And, I sort of wonder if finding something more satisfying wouldn't help me think more clearly about some of these other questions.

Mostly, especially since I read an article about girls and their attitudes about challenging themselves, I find myself thinking about the person I wanted to be and the things I loved as a child. It just seems like we girls weren't taught that we had the ability to succeed at *anything* we could want to do but that we were supposed to have inborn abilities that determined who we could become. So much came easily for me, academically, that I didn't have to push myself and, frankly, trying something and failing wasn't worth it when remaining in the neat box laid out for me was so much easier. Except that, now, I wonder what I cast aside that I could be doing.