Friday, July 23, 2010

Day 207


Today I set out to make myself do things I've never done.
The resultant fear pooled nicely in my stomach
while my palms beaded over with sweat. I still sat down
and opened my mouth and let fly with the truth.
The nicely awkward pauses just hung there
until I filled them and kept forcing out the words
I needed someone to hear...even if they just fell to the floor and sat there, ungathered up and waited
for the cats to mistake them for catnip toys.
All the while I contemplated just how fucking wrong
saying these words,
discarding the comfortable mask,
asking for what I want,
could actually go.
While debate over the risk/benefit continued, I wondered whether
I could just run from the outcome
as the familiar voice of fear chanted, 'Don't' again and again.

Today, just when I thought I couldn't,
just to see what would happen,
I went ahead and jumped.

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