Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day 212

Stress dreams, I haz them...

Despite telling myself before bed last night that I was going to only have nice, peaceful dreams, I had one hell of nightmare. And, I say this with the preface that I'm really *not* a violent person. But, somehow, in this dream, I accidentally killed my mom and then had to figure out what to do with the body. While I panicked over that, she came back to life and wouldn't shut up. So, I then had to find someone to help me keep her quiet about what I'd done. Not sure how I had resolved that question, thankfully, because that's when I woke up. Thankfully, Ella was awake to talk about the dream a bit and get me to laugh it off.

We've been talking a lot lately and it's been a really good feeling to see that I'm not the only one out there questioning some of the same things that nag at me.

Worried about what's going on with another friend. There's been a lot of (understandable) silence from him, and I can't imagine how much pain he's in at the moment. It's so hard to sit back and feel unable to even offer comfort to someone I care about.

#1 of my last three counseling sessions is tonight. Not sure how I feel about that. Rachel gave me a lot to work on over the last two weeks and I've spent a lot of time thinking about behavior patterns and how to break out of these 'lifetraps' that hold me back. *sighs* I just feel like this is both good and bad. I've felt better since I've been looking at the ways I've already worked through some of these things and have an awareness of what trips me up. I'm still just plain not looking at how this could go badly for me. Maybe that will keep it from happening? Who knows...

More later, I'm sure.

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