Sunday, March 01, 2009
So, I finally got a chance to see the psychic who made such an impression on me at last year's Pagan Picnic and have just gotten home. After the events of the last couple weeks, it was exactly what I needed and, despite not liking some of what she told me, I have to acknowledge that she was (again) dead on the money. Well, I can't say I didn't like what she said so much as I feel a tad uncomfortable with the clarity with which she dissected my current state of mind. First words out of her mouth? "Wow, are you ever feeling stuck lately!" I had honestly lacked words for the what I'd been feeling lately but 'stuck' pretty much covers it. The crisis with Stacy just brought it home even further-I've been spending time doing all this listening and not even bothering to tune in to what I needed and that's been stalling the progress I'd been making. I kind of started getting back to working on me last week but, getting the verbal bashing I got Thursday and Friday just further drove home the point as well as showing me that I really needed some sort of guidance here. As Melissa (the psychic) put it, I've been spending so much of the strength and energy I hold in reserve on trying to repair things for other people that I'm not leaving any for me. Hell, I've been so depleted this past week that I hardly have the energy to knit or read. I keep noticing (something else Melissa picked up on) that there are people in my life that keep repeating patterns of toxic behavior . If I step away from one, it seems like there's someone else ready to repeat the same thing or a slight variation on the theme almost immediately. (No, Monica, you're not one of them.) I have to start nipping that kind of thing in the bud before it gets to this point. And, oh, ye gods, is that going to be hard to do. It makes me feel cold and cruel just to think about it. But, that doesn't mean I won't manage to do it somehow. I'm tired of taking care of people only to have them turn on me, tired of trying to always be there for someone else only to be alone when I need a friend.
I am taking the advice I have been given and will be spending the next three days as 'me' days. I'm supposed to work (cause I have to) and spend the rest of my time relaxing and doing things to take care of myself. Hopefully, that helps and I'll find myself moving again instead of feeling like I'm swimming in molasses. I'll let you know how it goes.